Polish Jokes | HK3Fitness

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1) An American is walking down the street when he sees a Pollock with a very long pole and a yardstick. The Pollock is standing the pole on its
end and trying to reach the top of it with his yardstick to measure. The American, shaking his head, walks up and wrenches the pole out of the Pollock's hand, lays it on the sidewalk, measures it with the yardstick, and says, "There! It's 10 feet long. The Pollock grabs the yardstick back and shouts, "You idiot American! I don't care how long it is! I want to know how high it is!"

2) Did you hear about the new game fish the Illinois Department of Natural Resources is trying to breed? They took a Coho and crossed it with a Walleye. They called it a Koala. It had great taste, and fought like hell, but wasn't very large. So they crossed it with a Muskie, and called it a Kowalski. It has the best of everything: it fights hard, it tastes great, and it grows up to 72 inches. The only problem is they're having trouble teaching to swim!

3) Two Polish hunters were driving through the country to go bear hunting. They came upon a fork in the road where a sign read "BEAR Hunting, LEFT" so they went home.

4) These two Polish guys rent a boat and go fishing in a lake. They are amazed at the number of fish that they caught that day, so one says to the other, "We'll have to come back here tomorrow!" The other asks, "But how will we remember where this spot is?" The first guy then takes a can of spray paint, paints an X on the bottom of the boat, and says, "We'll just look for this X tomorrow." The other guy says, "You idiot! How do you know we'll get the same boat?"

4) A Pole, English, and French guy are running away from the German soldiers when they come up to a forest and they decide to hide by each climbing a tree. When the Germans arrive, they go to the first tree where the English guy is, and shout, "We know you're up there, come down!" The English guy, thinking fast, says, "Tweet, tweet, tweet... The Germans, thinking that it's a bird, move on to the next tree where the French guy is and once again shout, "We know you're up there, come down!" The French guy, thinking fast, says, "Hoo, Hoo,...." The Germans, thinking that it's an owl, move on to the next tree where the Polish guy is and once again shout, "We know you're up there, come down!" The Polish guy thinks for a while and then says, "Moo, moo, moo..."

5) An English guy is driving with a Polish guy as his passenger, when he decides to pull over because he suspect that his turn signal may not be working. He asks the Polish guy if he doesn't mind stepping out of the car to check the lights while he tests them. The Polish guy steps out and stands in front of the car. The English guy turns on the turn signal and asks, "Is it working?" To which the Polish guy responds, "Yes, it's working....No, it's not working....Yes, it's working....No, it's not working...."

6) Three men are traveling in the Amazon, a German, an American, and a Polock, and they get captured by some Amazons. The head of the tribe says to the German, "What do you want on your back for your whipping?" The German responds, "I will take oil!" So they put oil on his back, and a large Amazon whips him 10 times. When he is finished the German has huge welts on his back, and he can hardly move. The Amazons haul the German away, and say to the Polock, "What do you want on your back?" "I will take nothing!" says the Pollock, and he stands there straight and takes his 10 lashings without a single flinch, showing hardly any sign of the whipping. They take him away and turn to the American asking "What will you take on your back?" the American responds, "I'll take the Pollock!"

7) One day a patient goes to a polish doctor. Patient says "I am having a hard time hearing. I cannot even hear myself cough." The doctorreplies "Here is a prescription, take the medicine for 7 days, then return for a checkup. So in 7 days the patient returns...."Thanks a million Doctor! at least I can hear myself cough now. So what did you do to make me hear that better?" doctor responds, "I just gave you medicine that increased your cough so now you can hear it."

8) This Pollock came home one day from work, hung up his coat, took off his hat and walked into his bedroom shouting "honey I am home!" and What should he see, but his best friend in bed with his wife. Infuriated, he rushed to the cupboard, pulled out his gun and put it to his head. His wife started laughing. "Don't laugh!" he screams. "You're next!"

9) A Polock wanted to join an amateur baseball team. The coach looked him over and decided to give him a chance. "I will give you three questions," said the coach. "If you come back in a week and answer them all correctly, you're on the team." "Fair enough!" said the Pollock eagerly. The coach proceeded, "Here are your questions. First, how many days are there in a week that start with the letter 'T'? Second, how many seconds are there in a year? And third, how many D's are there in 'Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer?" Next week, the Pollock came back, feeling all confident that he knew the right answers. So again the coach said, "So how many days in the week that start with 'T'?" The Pollock said, "Two!" "Very good!" said the coach. And what are they?" "Today and Tomorrow!" "Hmm... OK," said the coach. "How many seconds are there in a year?" "Twelve!" "Twelve? How did you come up with twelve?" The coach was perplexed. "Well," said the Pollock, "there's the second of January, the second of February, the second of..." "Um.. OK," the coach now asked the final question. "How many "D"s in 'Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer'?" "Oh, that one was easy!" laughed the Pollock. "Three hundred and sixty-five!" "WHAT?" cried the coach. "How did you get that figure?" To which the Pollock sang the song, "dee dee dee-dee-dee dee-dee...."

10) A Pollock saw a priest walking down the street. Noticing his collar, he stopped him and said, "Excuse me, but why are you wearing your shirt backwards?" The priest laughed, "Because, my son, I am a Father!" The Pollock scratched his head. "But I am a father too, and I don't wear my shirt backwards!" Again the priest laughed. "But I am a Father of thousands! To which the Pollock replied, "Well then you should wear your shorts backwards!"

11) A Polock went to a carpenter and said, "Can you build me a box that is two inches high, two inches wide, and fifty feet long?" "Hmm..." mused the carpenter. "It could be done, I suppose, but what would you want a box like that for?" "Well, you see," said the Pollock, "I’m mailing a garden hose to my Nephew."

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