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I hope you are enjoying yourself here. I am having fun too. You know, in Poland we have an Old Saying.... But I'm not that old yet so I don't know it! I will someday though and I'll let you know what it is. Deal?..... Keep reading !!!
1) A Pollock is hired to paint the lines on the road. On the first day he paints ten miles, and his employers are amazed. But, the second day he painted just five, and on only the third day, he painted only a mile of the road. Disappointed his boss asks what the problem was. The Pollock replies, "Well sir, every day I have to walk farther and farther to get back to the paint bucket."
2) The Polish were entrenched on the front opposite the Germans during one of the battles of WWII. As hard as they tried, the Germans couldn't hit any of the Polish soldiers because they kept low in the ditches. Finally one of the Germans hit upon an idea. "Hey Krachevski, is that you?" he yelled at the Polish trench. Krachevski stood up in his trench and said, "Yeah, it's me!" and was immediately shot by the Germans. The Polish soldiers pondered this over and decided that it was a good idea. "Is that you, Wilhelm?" one of the Polish soldiers yelled to the German trench. "Yeah, it's me Markowski," replied one of the German soldiers. "Why don't you come over here?" "OK, I'm coming...." Bang!
3) There was once a Pollock who was extremely sad with life because people always made fun of him. He decided to do something about it. He sat back and thought about it. Suddenly he thought - "I have never seen anyone making fun of Italians. So, if I start talking and behaving like them, no one will be able to make out that I am Polish and make fun of me." He went into solation for three months and after a lot of practice, he walked confidently into a shop and said, "I am a very hungry. Give me some pepperoni and zucchini." Immediately, the man behind the counter said "Are you a Pollock?" This guy was taken aback and he repeated his request. The man behind the counter said, "Are you a Pollock or not?" This man was finally very ashamed and amazed at the shop owner's discerning ability and so he admitted to the fact after which he asked, "But how did you know?" The shopkeeper replied, "This is a hardware store!"
4) A group of Italians and a group of Pollock's heard that the telephone company was looking for people so they went and applied. The telephone company decided to give them a test before hiring anyone so they sent the teams out to install telephone poles. At the end of the day they reported back on how they had done. The Italian team had installed 10 telephone poles and the Polish team one. The Italians were hired but the Polish team protested that the Italians had cheated because the Italians left most of the poles sticking out of the ground.
5) Following the assault of a young woman, the police rounded up the usual suspects for a lineup; suddenly, the Polish suspect stepped forward and screamed "That's her!!"
6) These two Pollock's are building a house. One of them is putting on the siding. He picks up a nail, hammers it in. Picks up another nail, throws it away. Picks up a nail, hammers it in. Picks up another, throws it away. This goes on for a while, and finally his friend comes over and asks him why he is throwing half of the nails away. He replies, "Those ones were pointed on the wrong end." The buddy gets exasperated and says "You idiot, those are for the other side of the house!"
7) Three men were all applying for the same job as a detective. One was Polish, one was Jewish, and one was Italian. Rather than ask the standard questions during the interview, the chief decided to ask each applicant just one question and base his decision upon that answer. When the Jewish man arrived for his interview, the chief asked, "Who killed Jesus Christ?" The Jewish man answered without hesitation "The Romans killed him." The chief thanked him and he left. When the Italian man arrived for his interview, the chief asked the same question. He replied "Jesus was killed by the Jews." Again, the chief thanked the man who then left. When the Polish man arrived for his interview, he was asked the exact same question. He thought for a long time, before saying, "Could I have some time to think about it?" The chief said, "OK, but get back to me tomorrow." When the Polish man arrived home, his wife asked "How did the interview go?" He replied, "Great, I got the job, and I'm already investigating a murder!"
8) A popular bar had a new robotic bartender installed. A guy came in for a drink and the robot asked him, "What's your IQ?" The man replied, "130." So the robot proceeded to make conversation about physics, astronomy, and so on. The man listened intently and thought, "This is really cool." Another guy came in for a drink and the robot asked him, "What's your IQ?" The man responded, "120." So the robot started talking about the super bowl, dirt bikes, and so on. The man thought to himself, "Wow, this is really cool." A third guy came in to the bar. As with the others, the robot
asked him, "What's your IQ?" The man replied, "80." The robot then said, "So, how are things in Poland these days?"
9) A Pollock was jumped by two muggers and fought like hell, but was finally subdued. His attackers then proceeded to go through his pockets. "You mean you fought like that for 57 cents?" asked one of the muggers incredulously. "Is that all you wanted?" moaned the Pole. "I thought you were after the $400 in my shoe!"
10) Two Poles emigrated to America. On their first day off the boat in New York City, they spied a hot dog vendor in the street. "Do they eat dogs in America?" one asked the other. "I dunno." "Well, we're going to live here, so we might as well learn to do as they do." So they each bought a hot dog wrapped up in wax paper and sat down to eat them on a nearby park bench. One Pole looked inside his wax paper, then over at the other Pole and asked, "What part did you get?"
11)Two Polocks are walking down opposite sides of a river when they notice each other. One invites the other one over. "I can't swim", he replies. "Why don't you come over here?" The other guy says, "I can't swim, either. What are we gonna do?" First guy says, "Wait! I got a flashlight. I'll turn it on, and you walk across the beam to this side." The second guy replies, "No way! I'll get half-way across, and you'll turn the flashlight off!"
12) Three prisoners, an American, a German, and a Pollock, are scheduled to be executed by firing squad. They bring out the American and stand him in front of the pole. He points and shouts, "Tornado!" They all look and the American runs away. Next, they place the German in front of the firing squad. He yells "Earthquake!" They all hit the dust and the German escapes. Next up is the Pollock. He looks around and shouts "Fire!"
Yes, There is still some more, Keep Going!