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THINGS TO PONDER
1) How come wrong numbers are never busy?
2) Do people in Australia call the rest of the world 'up over'?
3) Does that screwdriver belong to Phillip?
4) Can a stupid person be a smart-ass?
5) Does killing time damage eternity?
6) Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
7) Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips?
8) Why is it that night falls but day breaks?
9) Why is the third hand on the watch called a second hand?
10) Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address,
you turn down the volume on the radio?
11) Why is lemonade made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing
liquid made with real lemons?
12) Are part time band leaders semi-conductors?
13) Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawnshop?
14) Day light savings time - why are they saving it and where do
they keep it?
15) Did Noah keep his bees in archives?
16) Do jellyfish get gas from eating jellybeans?
17) Do pilots take crash courses?
18) Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as "4's"?
19) Do stars clean themselves with meteor showers?
20) Do you think that when they asked George Washington
for ID that he just whipped out a quarter?
21) Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
22) Have you ever seen a toad on a toadstool?
23) How can there be self-help "groups"?
24) How do you get off a nonstop flight?
25) How do you write zero in Roman numerals?
26) How many weeks are there in a light year?
27) If a candle factory burns down, does everyone just stand around
and sing "Happy Birthday?"
28) If a jogger runs at the speed of sound, can he still hear his
walkman?
29) If athletes get athlete's foot, do astronauts get mistletoe?
30) If Barbie's so popular, why do you have to buy all her friends?
31) If blind people wear dark glasses, why don't deaf people wear
earmuffs?
32) If cats and dogs didn't have fur would we still pet them?
33) If peanut butter cookies are made from peanut butter, then what
are Girl Scout cookies made out of?
34) If space is a vacuum, who changes the bags?
35) If swimming is good for your shape, then why do the whales look
the way they do?
36) If tin whistles are made out of tin, what do they make fog horns
out of?
37) If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with sushi?
38) If you can't drink and drive, why do bars have parking lots?
39) If you jog backwards, will you gain weight?
40) If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times,
does he become disoriented?
41) Why do the signs that say "Slow Children" have a picture of a
running child?
42) Why do they call it 'chili' if it's hot?
43) Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game," when we are Already there?
44) Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
45) If all is not lost, then where is it?
46) You can't make chicken soup out of chicken shit.
47) I started out with nothing, and still have most of it left.
48) Funny, I don't remember being absentminded.
49) Kids in the back seat cause accidents--Accidents in the back seat cause kids.
50) It's not hard to meet expenses--they're everywhere.
51) If God wanted me to touch my toes, he'd have put them on my knees.
52) It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere!
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