[spacer height="20px"]
USEFUL WORK PHRASES
1. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by
your unique point of view.
2. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean
you're an artist.
3. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet
it's hard to pronounce.
4. Any connection between your reality and mine is
purely coincidental.
5. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't
care.
6. I like you. You remind me of when I was young
and stupid.
7. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?
8. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
9. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your
mouth.
10. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions
I had about you.
11. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of
Karma to burn off.
12. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are
largely ceremonial.
13. No, my powers can only be used for good.
14. How about never? Is never good for you?
15. I'm really easy to get along with once you
people learn to worship me.
16. You sound reasonable … Time to up my medication.
17. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being
smarter.
18. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a
message …
19. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
20. Who me? I just wander from room to room.
21. My toys! My toys! I can't do this job without my
toys!
22. It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the
cellular level I'm really quite busy.
23. At least I have a positive attitude about my
destructive habits.
24. You are validating my inherent mistrust of
strangers.
25. I see you've set aside this special time to
humiliate yourself in public.
26. Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh
nervously, and change the subject.
[spacer height="20px"]
TOP 10 THINGS TO SAY IF YOU GET CAUGHT SLEEPING AT YOUR DESK ::
10. "They told me at the blood bank this might happen,"
> > >
9. "This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in that time management course you sent me to."
> > >
8. "Whew! Guess I left the top off the Whiteout. You probably got here just in time!"
> > >
7. "I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm."
> > >
6. "I was testing my keyboard for drool resistance."
> > >
5. "I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve
work-related stress. Are you discriminatory toward people who practice Yoga?"
> > >
4. "Damn! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem."
> > >
3. " The coffee machine is broken..."
>> >
2. "Someone must've put decaf in the wrong pot..."
And the #1 best thing to say if you get caught sleeping at your desk...
> > > > >>
1. ".....in Jesus' name. Amen."