My Life Chapter 3 .. Early Life Embarrassment

Posted on July 22, 2018 by Monte

So how many are still reading? Let’s get into some more really good stuff and step it up to age 12. At this time, I’m noticing girls big time and things are a popping if you know what I mean. I’m actually just a hormone with legs right now. Well, another couple that was really good friends with my mom and dad ran into some bad luck while living in Texas, so they ended up moving back to Illinois where we were and where they started from. We had just finished the add on to the house, so we had the room for them. That couple had 5 kids, 3 girls and 2 boys. 1 girl was a year younger, 1 same age as me and 1 a few years older. The 2 boys, one was a few years younger than I and the other a few years older. Anyway, it was interesting having them live there and go to school together. I didn’t really have any friends due to living so far from anyone and my mom never really approving of anyone I wanted to hang with. The two girls in my age range of course I thought were good looking and my mind did play the game but never acted on it really, just thought about it a lot, as did they.

One day, I believe it to be a Saturday, mom and I had just gotten back from the store. We were shopping for some clothes and underwear. Do you see what’s coming? So, here’s the other mom sitting on the couch and my mom talking about what we bought. Next thing I know I’m having to put a pair of my new underwear on and model it for the other mom. This part is not the embarrassing/humiliation part. What made it that was once the two girls my age heard about the little fashion show, they quickly sat by their mom, one on each side and watched. When I came out of my room, only wearing my tidy whites, I froze for a second seeing the girls now also sitting on the couch. Mom looked at me and sternly said to get over to her closer. I walked the most embarrassing steps I ever took. Only took about 5 steps but seemed like a mile. The two girls were smiling and keeping in the laughter I could see in their eyes.

Next thing, and you know what that is if you’re over 40, the pull at the waist band and leg area. So as my mom is pulling down on the elastic leg opening to show how nice they fit and keep everything where it should be with plenty of crotch room, as she put it, (did she have to say Crotch Room?) the two girls had their eyes wide open like a deer caught in the headlights. I really wanted to just curl up under a rock and never come out. Mom just kept pulling, twisting and moving the pants around while telling the other mom how great these were and she should think about getting some for her son as well. The two girls were sitting there giggling and never blinked once. They didn’t want to miss anything if it popped out I guess. A couple times it almost did. Well, lucky for me I was too embarrassed being seen this way in front of two girls my age having my mom tug and pull at me down there to realize there were 2 GIRLS LOOKING AT ME IN MY UNDERWEAR! One step away from naked and ready for action….. LOL! Hey, that’s how a 12-year-old thought back then. So, the embarrassment kept things from ,,,,, becoming a Big Deal, if you know what I mean.

Finally, after what seemed like hours, but was only about 10 to 15 minutes, it was over, and I could return to my room to get dressed. Later I did mention a little bit about being embarrassed in front of the two girls and my mom told me I was not to worry about it, I’m way to young to even be thinking like that. It was just too bad if I was embarrassed. There was nothing to be embarrassed about! I am your mother and you will do as I tell you, too bad if you don’t want to. Guess that comes from her modeling underwear in that catalog that makes me model it be OK. I don’t think she even for one second thought about me standing there like in front of 2 girls that were NOT my sisters. It sort of changed how the 2 girls and I looked at each other after that day. They were so close to getting the Full Monte, I wonder how they would have reacted if I Would have fallen out of the leg hole while mom was pulling it down and out a bit to show the great leg room I had and how it wasn’t too tight. Now, there’s still a lot to tell about events and things way back then but I don’t want to make this too long or I’ll never get to present day. If I were writing a book I would be more detailed and descriptive along with more things that took place as I grew up. I will be telling about a lot more things but not all of them, just the highlights of turning points in my life as I saw them to be.

Remember to drop me line with any questions, thoughts or feelings about what you read here.

E-mail :: HK3Fitness@gmail.com

Facebook :: Harold Krueger

Instagram :: MonteP90X

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My Life Chapter 2 …. The Turning Point

Posted on July 10, 2018 by Monte

If you don’t know where you’ve been and how far you’ve come how can you appreciate what you have now!?

So with that said, let continue on with “As The Monte Turns!”

It wasn’t too long after the screaming lady night that it really came falling down around me and I started my spiral down ward. Yeah that night was a high note for me compared to what was ahead in my life. Little did I know that the event I’m going to tell you about, I believe also shaped my relationship between my mom and I. I remember it like it was yesterday. Picture this, an almost eight-year-old little boy with beyond average feelings and emotions for his age is standing in the kitchen with his mom. Yep, there she was, getting dinner ready. She was shopping up some meat on the cutting board and I was talking to her about how I felt and things I thought deep inside. She didn’t skip a movement and just listened while I talked. I don’t believe she even looked at me the entire time until apparently, I went too far with what I was saying.

I told her I loved her more than anything. She said she loved me too, I then said how much I loved going to work with her to be able to spend more time and even wished I could be with her every minute. It was OK back then to do stuff like that. Many times when she had to go pull a late night shift My sister and I would go along and either stay in the back room at the hospital where she worked as a Medical Lab Technician or we would stay in the car and sleep in the back seat. But then I said it, the ultimate in dumb things to say I guess. I told her that I want to be with her so much that’s probably why I don’t like school, cuz I just want to be with her. Well that did it. She went form cutting that meat to a dead stop and looked at me as she said, “Oh now just quit! Quit being so stupid in what you’re saying. That’s the most ridicules thing I’ve ever heard, now go sit down somewhere!” Her tone was cold and without emotion as she looked back down and continued to cut up what she was going to cook for dinner. I was really shocked and hurt, it was at that moment I felt the ultimate feeling of embarrassment. You know the kind, when you say or do something that just tares your world apart and you don’t know how to even breath or what to say or how to act while your body sort of goes numb and you do your best to act all OK About it but inside you feel totally stupid. It was right then that I thought to myself “It’s wrong to say I love you that much?”

She just totally shut me down. She said a few other things, but I didn’t really pay attention as I was still hanging on the shut up and don’t be so stupid part. I do remember it was all negative toward my statement to her about how I felt. I was crushed, my heart felt a sudden cold go across it as I walked away. I didn’t cry, though I wanted to. I wasn’t going to give her or anyone the satisfaction of knowing I felt so beat. I do remember as I walked away, saying in my little mind while taking a slow deep breath, “Fine! That’s how you feel? Guess I said enough to last forever then, and I don’t have to say it anymore!” For some reason I immediately convinced my self it was what I wanted to happen, and I only said that much to hold her over for a long time of me not saying it. I was justifying in my mind that it was OK. Even though I felt embarrassed beyond any level I ever felt before, my brain took over to make my life not feel so completely devastated.

That wasn’t the only embarrassing time I had with her though. Over time there were many more and I always just felt it was because she was embarrassed to have me in the first place. The reason for that feeling of how bad I was came from hearing over and over through the years that she had given up a career as a model, singer she was starting and even gave up playing the violin because she had kids. Her claim to fame modeling career at that time was for modeling Bra and Panty ads in the Sears catalog. She never really learned how to play the violin but to hear her talk, she was ready for the symphony or something. I won’t even get started on her singing. So as a child what else would I think but that I ruined her life. She never once said it was OK or that we were more important to her than all that. But things got worse as time went on and I’ll tell you next time about my complete humiliation as a boy coming of age in front of a couple girls my age, all at the hand of my mom.

Remember to drop me line with any questions, thoughts or feelings about what you read here.

E-mail :: HK3Fitness@gmail.com

Facebook :: Harold Krueger

Instagram :: MonteP90X

My Life Chapter 1 …. Earliest Memory

Posted on July 4, 2018 by Monte

So, should I make my blog a diary, post chapters from the novel I wrote or keep it all about fitness and building my team? Well, trying to build my team. It’s almost like I need 3 separate blogs to cover it all and keep it straight. Right now, I have no audience anyway and to build one I’m clueless. For now perhaps a self-help type diary about real life as I see it and how it’s treating me so far would be good. I’ll even give a back ground of events leading up to modern day stuff both good and not so good. I wonder if language will be a factor of offending someone. Oh wait, then don’t read it! LOL! Ya know, this MAY BE a good start on a book. After all, some of the stuff I’ll talk about over time will be like, WTF!??? No way that’s true! But it is because I have no reason to lie about anything. Of course, there are the things that will remain secret forever but that’s not relevant to the life line.

The earliest memory I have that’s clear like it just happened, is a happy one from 1963. Ya, I’m old, get over it,,, LOL! It was Christmas and I just turned 4yrs old a few weeks prior. My dad, Oh I mean Santa, gave me a signed football from the Chicago Bears (imitation). That was the most awesome gift I remember ever getting as a child. Dad and I would play catch for hours. He taught me how to throw it properly and catch it instead of stepping aside being afraid of it coming at me at what I felt was like a million miles an hour. I kicked it, tossed it, even played by myself with it many times. That ball was like the world to me. I still remember how it felt in my little hands, how the fake leather smelled and what all the signatures looked like. Even when it started to peal like a banana, I kept playing with it. Little did I know there would not be may memories ahead with that kind of positive, happy impact on my life. They say that little boys have the strongest bond with their mom but in my case, I always felt closer to my dad than my mom. Where to go from here with my life journey, I’m not sure. Do I give details of Elementary schools to Jr. high and on to High School? Skip a little?

OK, let’s fast forward the early years a little, seeing how things were for me on a day to day typical stuff in my life feed. Sort of like watching commercials on fast forward to get back to the show. I grew up on 6 acres of very dense woods. The house sat pretty much centered in it all and cold NOT be seen from the road except during the winter when the trees were bare but seemed to take on a new full look when the snow would build up upon their branches. I had my own little winter wonderland every year to play in. Half way down the driveway, to the street, there was a small retention of water in a low spot. My dad had it dug out to be a little better than 15 ft deep and about 100 or so feet across. It made an awesome little pond for all the ducks we raised. That is a chapter all in it’s self about the pond. It will unfold though as I continue. I remember having to shovel that driveway that was the length of a football field plus a little more. It made for a great sleigh ride from the house to the street. It wasn’t a straight run though, it had a little bit of a turn to it and with all the trees along side, it looked more like a little side dirt road than a driveway. It sure was fun to see far you could get on the sled before you would veer off or tip over.

My dad was a gun collector, so I grew up learning about them and how to shoot and reload ammunition from the starting point of actually melting down the lead to cast the bullets. That part was done in the basement. I can remember the sound of the cold night wind going through the trees outside. There was a big stone fireplace in our house and I could watch it for hours as I sat by it. I’d poke it a little and of course get yelled at for doing it. My attention would then be placed on the TV. It was a Black-n-White, there wasn’t color ones out just yet. It had a round screen and got 3 main channels. Then with a flip of the second dial, you could bring in 3 or 4 more. It really depended on the weather outside and how well you had your antenna placed. One day my parents got a device that hooked up to it so we could turn the antenna with the push of a button to bring the stations in better. Technology was really on the cutting edge in our house!

Life wasn’t bad at all really back then during the really early years. I had no friends though because of the distance to the nearest kid my age was about 3 miles and no way I was allowed to walk that far at 5 or 6 yrs old. Not for fear of getting snatched up but my sense of direct wasn’t that great and so the risk of getting lost was the issue. Back then, you didn’t need to lock your door at night while you slept or your windows. There was no AC, so summertime was hot! Windows were open, fans a blowin, doors open for the cross breeze. We had screen doors to keep the bugs out. It was always so beautiful during the seasons with the trees turning colors, the little narrow streams of water running from the snow melting. I would walk around the woods for hours, exploring here and there, turning over rocks and large branches that had fallen, in hopes to find something to paly with like a frog or salamander. Once I found two baby possums. I didn’t tell mom about that find, she would have freaked. They were fun to paly with though.

I learned a great deal about nature from watching stuff and listening to my dad and grandpa tell me things. Grandpa lived only two doors down from us but that was about a half mile. I was allowed to walk there and back. We had no cell phones, iPad, lap tops or tablets and it was fine. I found a lot of things in those woods that I could never explain and when I asked about it I was just looked at like I was crazy or making things up. As I grew, I did learn the answers to most of it. But the one most chilling event that took place and will forever be an unforgotten mystery in my life was the night of the scream. It was before the add on to the house was done so I was around 7 and I had a sister that was a little older, she was around 9. It was late on a warm summer night. Her and I shared a room, it was no big deal back then. Mom was at work on the night shift at the hospital. She was a Medical Lab Technician. Well, we were talking softly as to not wake up dad. Our window was open for the breeze and suddenly we hear over the sound of the crickets, frogs and other nightly little woodland creatures, a scream. We both just sat sill, afraid to move and didn’t have a clue what to do. I remember it well. It sounded like a woman screaming, similar to what you would hear in some late-night horror movie. Almost a hint of crying could be heard mixed into the screams. Slowly we closed the window and pulled the curtain shut.

We didn’t want to wake dad, figuring he’d get upset. The screaming didn’t seem to last long at all but we weren’t going to open the curtains or window to really find out. We imagined all kinds of things ranging from a ghost to a Zombie looking for a victim in the night. Or, a Victim being chased in the night. Either way that curtain and window stayed shut! We told mom about it the next day and she didn’t seem to really believe it and told us were wrong for not waking dad, what if someone needed help? She was right. I’ll always wonder what happened that night in the woods. Continuing the fast-forward childhood time line, when I continue with the next blog, it will be getting into my school years. If at any time through any of this someone would like a fuller detail of an event or description, please feel free to ask. Hmm, this really COULD become a cool book when I get done, or at least caught up to present day.

Remember to drop me line with any questions, thoughts or feelings about what you read here.

E-mail :: HK3Fitness@gmail.com

Facebook :: Harold Krueger

Instagram :: MonteP90X